There's Always Pain
When there’s no undoing
When there’s no escape
The air is thin
You can’t catch your breath
Like when the wind slams at your face
Like when the air’s so cold your throat seizes
At the same time, the air is thick
Still, you can’t catch your breath
Like when you’re running or working hard on a hot day
Sweat can’t even cool you down
Because the very air–warm and sticky–clings to your flesh
You gasp
Choke
Swallow
The hot, wet air
Both those feelings at once.
You can’t breathe, can’t fill your lungs, can’t expand your chest
Because Regret and Grief have mingled.
They’ve made a bed together
A bed born of horror
Of pain
Of deep, humiliating shame
The bed is you
You–
Born of sin
Born of ugliness
You–
And you’re trapped in it
Regret
What could you have done?
So many tiny decisions
So many small, insignificant choices
Led to this
What if one were different?
What could have changed in the chain of sorrowful events?
Why can’t you turn it off?
Grief
Grief has claws–hooked and jagged
Pulling you down
Fangs
Swallowing you up
Struggle
Struggle
But, there’s nothing you can do
Struggle
But, it’ll only tighten its grip
so stop.
Stop.
Stop the struggle
Stop the fight
Let go
Feel it
The shame
The anguish
The worst of them all–the regret
There’s nothing you can do
By design
There’s nothing you can do because
They’re part of you
–part of us all
Humans
Our experience is FEELING
Feeling
Always feeling
Drowning, then surfacing
Feeling
Comfort
Small joys
Feeling
Feelings
More still
Happiness
Love
Pride
To feel one, we must feel them all
The worst of them
To have to best of them
We’re only human
And because we’re human we endure
We ache and shatter
We mend and love
We laugh and cry
We learn and survive
We embrace it all
Embrace each other
We can’t cut the experience apart
Can’t sever the bad for only the good
It's all or it's nothing
Because we’re more than each individual feeling
We’re human
