To Spite A Year Of Covid Loss
Healthy men right around your age
Dying.
You went to work.
“Masks don’t work. Stay in your homes,” they said.
You went to work.
“Ok, wear the masks.” Brought some relief.
You went to work.
Friends, families locked up safely.
You were exposed.
Day after day of all consuming fear.
A fear only some could understand.
It fell on your shoulders and you focused your strength.
I was afraid enough for the both of us.
But, there was no room for it.
The kids needed my courage and nothing more.
And I refused to allow despair to take even a moment of joy from our time.
The days felt numbered.
The minutes could be limited.
They had to have cherished memories
...Just in case…
And you struggled on.
You kept everyone safe:
Employees
Customers
Families
Us.
Every single day you came home late
To a happy family.
So very grateful for another day together.
We decompressed.
And right before we closed our eyes for the night
Crept in.
We couldn’t let it in.
There was no option.
Or we’d lose our step.
Some days were worse.
Our risk would rise
The news was nothing but gloom
And everyone around us was safely tucked away.
We were an island.
Some days were better.
A negative covid test meant
We could catch our breath.
Weeks
To months
To a year
We stumbled
We cried
We found balance.
We learned to respect the virus instead of solely fearing it.
Covid waned from a monster, raging and ravaging.
To a wild animal, vicious, yet predictable.
We witnessed our loved ones gain protection
That helped us cope.
Our concern was spread less wide.
We were less isolated.
It all helped
But, we still walk the line
Between living, risking
And hiding, only existing.
Everyone’s journey through covid this past year was hard.
Is hard.
Everyone’s.
Ours is no harder.
Ours is no easier.
Ours is ours.
And, it’s not over.
But, I’m proud.
Proud of how I’ve coped.
When my breath stuck in my lungs, full of panic
I learned how to lean on faith.
I learned how strength isn’t fighting your fate
Strength is surrendering control and trusting each moment
Living as full of joy as possible.
We all enter this world
Every living thing
We all go
I’m here.
Now.
This moment.
And, so that panic that stabbed my chest and made the walls sway
Was banished.
My family grew stronger.
Leaning on no one but ourselves.
Hearts so grateful for each instance of grace that we extended to each other.
When covid wanes
And the survival response recedes
We will be new.
We are new.
We are a force to be reckoned with.
This is our story,
Our journey through covid.
Sweet relief will come in its ending.
I don’t know when.
I know that this spring,
Every bud that I witness bloom,
Every laugh I hear,
Every warm caress of sunshine I feel
I will celebrate it all.
In honor of those who lost.
Those who covid took from us
Or those who covid broke.
I celebrate what I get
To spite the year of loss.
If you’ve been pushed to your limits
And you’re feeling
Helpless
Hopeless
Alone
Ashamed.
So have I.
I can be your friend.
I will smile behind my mask
Because this year of loss took enough.
And, with luck, I had today.
